Round 3...

It's hard to believe that Round 3 took place yesterday, officially marking the half way point in Brad's fight. It is my deepest hope that when June arrives and Brad completes his 6th and final cycle he will be in remission.

Avery is on Spring Break this week so he came to Brad's session again yesterday. Little did we know that Avery snuck his little friends Dinkles (the blue bunny) and Streaks (the leopard) into his bag so that his Dad would have something to cuddle with during chemo. Brad was absolutely thrilled and pretended to LOVE the animals, as you can see in the picture. We have NO idea where Avery gets the names for his stuffed animals, but there they are in all their glory!

We returned to the hospital again today for Brad's $7,985 Neulasta shot - that's the one that helps raise his white blood cell count. Just being out for a short period of time wiped him out all afternoon.

Yesterday and today have been horribly emotional days for me. Once I start crying, I simply can't seem to stop. Brad is so physically and mentally worn down, which of course he doesn't want others to believe. It makes me so "down to the bones" sad. Today was the first day since Brad started chemo that when I looked at him he actually looked beyond exhausted. He has tried to stay awake much of the day so that he can sleep through the night and only use his sleeping pills when necessary. I sometimes feel like I want to lock myself inside the house and pretend none of this is happening. A bigger fear is that I don't want to leave Brad's side while he recovers from his sessions. The feelings of being a horrible employee, housekeeper, friend, etc... are all deeply embedded right now and I don't quite know how to make them go away or feel like I am effective at any of my roles right now.

Brad found out about this really cool kids camp called Camp Kesem from someone on facebook. "Kesem" is the Hebrew word for "magic" and the camp is offered at several colleges and universities around the United States. After doing a little research, we found out that the University of Virginia and University of Richmond are two schools who offer this camp here in Virginia. The camp is a free, one week sleep away camp for kids who have a parent who is currently facing or is a survivor of cancer. When we talked to Avery about it he was SO excited about maybe going. We have done the initial paperwork for Avery to attend camp in Richmond, so please pray that he is accepted. As an only child, it would be so amazing for him to connect with other children who are dealing with some of the same emotions. It would also be a wonderfully therapeutic outlet for him and allow him some time to be a kid.

This Friday night is Relay for Life at Virginia Tech. Although I anticipate this year's event to be a highly emotional one for me, I look forward to walking in honor of Brad and having Avery right next to me each step of the way. I'm hoping Brad can gather enough energy for a quick appearance, but if not, we will relay with him in our hearts and as always, on our minds.

Hugs,
Sandy

Bumpy Road...

The past couple of weeks have been a little tough which is part of the reason we haven't written much. Sorry for keeping you all in the dark!

I realized two days into Brad's second cycle that I had been giving him the wrong amount of his steroid, which included the time period when I gave it to him during his first round. He was supposed to get 5 tablets daily for four days after each session. Unfortunately, I had only been giving him one tablet for four days and for some reason, my brain started thinking about the tremendous number he was prescribed on day 3 of his second cycle. I felt like a HORRIBLE caregiver! The steroid is to help his body fight infection and to get stronger after chemo. Thankfully, Brad didn't get sick after his first treatment. We were so prepared for the big "crash" the doctors kept telling us about, but it never happened the way we envisioned. Remember a few entries ago I mentioned that everything went better than we expected? Well, blame it on me not giving enough meds - good thing I don't work in a hospital.

After realizing my mistake, Brad did take the correct amount for his last two days and then had the crash we had originally been expecting. After he started recovering from his exhaustion, Brad unfortunately got sick with another horrible cough, which he has now had for about a week and a half. We're getting a little better about not calling Dr. Fintel for every little thing (which I'm sure he's thrilled about), but I did call this time around because Brad was feeling so poorly. I didn't ask for an appointment, just a refill on the antibiotic that he was given in December/January when he was sick. I wish it would have worked! We'll see Dr. Fintel again on Tuesday though so we figured we could maybe kill a couple of birds with one stone then.

Brad has only had a couple days of energy during the past 3 weeks, but has managed to work through a chunk of it. One of the biggest struggles has been with his body image and Brad's overall feeling that he isn't a contributing member of the family. As much as I reinforce with him that now is my time to step it up with the tasks around the house and remind him that he'll pay for it when he recovers, it doesn't seem to help. I miss the sparkling smile in his eyes, the playful attitude and the hysterically funny jokes and stories Brad normally shares. He has his moments when this shines through, but overall I can tell he's just plain worn down and depressed of sorts. It makes my heart ache to see him so sad.

A few bright spots that have happened include Avery and I getting baptized together last Sunday. It was such a wonderful event for our family. Pastor Darryl even had us both in the baptismal pool together - pretty exciting for both Avery and me! Here is a picture of Avery and Miss Lynn, the children's pastor when she came to our home to meet with Avery to read scripture and pray with him in preparation for his baptism.


Our baptism made it official and we are now members of North Roanoke Baptist Church. Brad and I are looking forward to finding a Sunday School class to be part of and will also be participating in a financial class offered through the church starting soon.

Another really wonderful thing that has happened is that we had a health scare with Brad's Dad and he had to visit a hematology oncologist because some things didn't look quite right with his blood. Of course we were nervous about this and the physicians are going to continue monitoring him, but initial reports were that things were looking better than we were prepared for.

Round 3 takes place on Tuesday (April 6th) and then we can say we're half way through this never-ending marathon. We pray that Brad's cough gets better and that this cycle isn't as tough as the last one. Thanks for all the wonderful messages of support and love that you continue to send our way.

Much love,
Sandy