It's really amazing to think that it has been exactly one week since Brad's diagnosis of lymphoma. In some respects, it feels like we just found out, yet other times it feels like we have known for weeks. There are calm, collected moments and those times where I have a random thought and completely lose it.
So for those of you new to our lives, or who don't know Brad very well, I thought starting the blog off with a little history leading up to where we are as of today seemed important. So, here it goes...
Brad, like many men (I will do my very best to avoid stereotyping here), I mean, most of the men I have known in my life, is stubborn. When a lump showed up on his throat at least 9 months ago, I encouraged him to visit our family Dr. Yep, you guessed it. Like many men out there, he took this seemingly solid advice and ignored it. Maybe I shouldn't really say "ignored", but rather, chose not to listen to it and visit our Dr. since he wasn't feeling badly.
As the months passed (his earliest recollection of the lump is this past April), Brad would continue to talk about the lump on his neck, but wouldn't follow up with a visit to our Dr. Finally, in September (2009), Brad did visit our physician for the lump on his neck because it was increasing in size, as well as a random lump on his stomach that would come and mysteriously disappear. He was tested for mono, strep, Epstein-Barr Syndrome and a few other things not at all related to cancer, all of which came back negative. Our stumped Dr. scheduled a follow-up visit with Brad, which Brad later canceled because again, he felt good.
So like many companies out there struggling with rising health care costs, we found out at the end of November that Brad's employer is transitioning over to a HSA (Health Savings Account) type insurance in order to reduce some of the company costs associated with covering its employees. While I personally dislike the plan and moving away from the familiar PPO option, it did give us a hard push to get a couple of things taken care of before January 1 when our new plan kicks in. Yep, you guessed it - one of those things was Brad's ever-present lump. The bump had become such a part of Brad, that he lovingly named it BOB, which stood for Big Ole' Bump.
Brad was convinced that our Dr. was going to again tell him that she wasn't sure what he had or that he was just dealing with an enlarged lymph node. I encouraged him that if she did indeed say that, he should let her know that he wanted a second opinion. On Wednesday, December 2nd, Brad visited our Dr. again. The new "diagnosis" was that Brad had a "floating lymph node". "Huh?!?" When asking for clarification about what a floating lymph node was/is exactly, Brad was told that it's a lymph node that stays enlarged for a long period of time after an extreme illness like the flu, mono, etc... Brad let our Dr. know that he hadn't been sick in over two years and told her he wanted to have a second opinion - the words that we are confident will now save his life.
Our Dr. scheduled an appointment for Brad the next morning with an Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist and the snowball officially started rolling down the hill. Within moments of being in a new physician's office, Brad's lump was being measured, pushed on, questioned, etc... Within a few minutes, Dr. Harter told Brad he was concerned about the lump BECAUSE it was painless and had been hanging around so long. He immediately told Brad that a biopsy would be the next step.
On Thursday, December 10th, we went to Lewis Gale hospital and Brad was ushered off to have an ultrasound and a tissue sample of the lymph node removed (through a long needle) in this small little room with three chairs in the waiting area. It seemed like a long, emotional appointment. I cried like a baby while the medical staff was with Brad because I could hear him asking questions like - "How long before the results will be available?" and "Will my neck be sore afterward?". Brad's mom didn't cry (because I was) and Dad, in an attempt to avoid crying, decided to venture off to find Brad a cup of coffee since Brad had been unable to eat or drink anything that morning before the biopsy. Dad's exact words were, "my son needs to have a cup of coffee when he gets out of there." Brad got his cup of coffee.
As we anxiously waited throughout the weekend for Monday to arrive with the hopes that the biopsy results would be available, Brad and I talked about everything. One of the many things we discussed, was both of our nagging feelings that the news we were going to hear would not be good. Like any person curious about information, we spent hours on the computer googling his symptoms, cancer, etc... Most of what we read scared the crap out of us. Little did we know then, but we were already violating the first "rule" that Dr. Harter would soon share with us.
First thing Monday morning, Brad was calling the Dr. office before they even opened. When he connected with the receptionist at about 9:01am, she told him that it was likely we wouldn't hear anything until the following day because all of the results were not yet available. We were both extremely disappointed, but later decided Brad would call one more time in the afternoon.
I was attending a meeting at the Hale-YMCA Community Gardens as planning discussions occurred about its future layout when Brad called. He wasn't able to talk to Dr. Harter (but did leave a message) and we would have to wait until the next day for the results. It sucked. After the meeting at the Y Gardens, Jen (one of my fellow Y staff members) and I ventured back to our office to wrap things up for the day. It was about 4:45pm when Brad called. I answered the phone and said, "Hey, what's up?" Brad asked what I was doing and I told him I was finishing things up in the office. His next words were, "I have lymphoma."
Everything else seems kinda blurry after that. I had a total melt down right there in my office and hysterical tears combined with an irrational sense of getting things in order seemed to make sense. Thank goodness Jen was there.
Much love to our family and friends for your support over the past week!
Big hugs,
Sandy
p.s. There's A LOT, LOT more to this story - for those of you who know me well, it's 3:17am and I've been up since about 12:45. I am NOT a night person, although I guess this technically falls under morning.
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