Round 3...

It's hard to believe that Round 3 took place yesterday, officially marking the half way point in Brad's fight. It is my deepest hope that when June arrives and Brad completes his 6th and final cycle he will be in remission.

Avery is on Spring Break this week so he came to Brad's session again yesterday. Little did we know that Avery snuck his little friends Dinkles (the blue bunny) and Streaks (the leopard) into his bag so that his Dad would have something to cuddle with during chemo. Brad was absolutely thrilled and pretended to LOVE the animals, as you can see in the picture. We have NO idea where Avery gets the names for his stuffed animals, but there they are in all their glory!

We returned to the hospital again today for Brad's $7,985 Neulasta shot - that's the one that helps raise his white blood cell count. Just being out for a short period of time wiped him out all afternoon.

Yesterday and today have been horribly emotional days for me. Once I start crying, I simply can't seem to stop. Brad is so physically and mentally worn down, which of course he doesn't want others to believe. It makes me so "down to the bones" sad. Today was the first day since Brad started chemo that when I looked at him he actually looked beyond exhausted. He has tried to stay awake much of the day so that he can sleep through the night and only use his sleeping pills when necessary. I sometimes feel like I want to lock myself inside the house and pretend none of this is happening. A bigger fear is that I don't want to leave Brad's side while he recovers from his sessions. The feelings of being a horrible employee, housekeeper, friend, etc... are all deeply embedded right now and I don't quite know how to make them go away or feel like I am effective at any of my roles right now.

Brad found out about this really cool kids camp called Camp Kesem from someone on facebook. "Kesem" is the Hebrew word for "magic" and the camp is offered at several colleges and universities around the United States. After doing a little research, we found out that the University of Virginia and University of Richmond are two schools who offer this camp here in Virginia. The camp is a free, one week sleep away camp for kids who have a parent who is currently facing or is a survivor of cancer. When we talked to Avery about it he was SO excited about maybe going. We have done the initial paperwork for Avery to attend camp in Richmond, so please pray that he is accepted. As an only child, it would be so amazing for him to connect with other children who are dealing with some of the same emotions. It would also be a wonderfully therapeutic outlet for him and allow him some time to be a kid.

This Friday night is Relay for Life at Virginia Tech. Although I anticipate this year's event to be a highly emotional one for me, I look forward to walking in honor of Brad and having Avery right next to me each step of the way. I'm hoping Brad can gather enough energy for a quick appearance, but if not, we will relay with him in our hearts and as always, on our minds.

Hugs,
Sandy